i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
