He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
