I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
