fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
