Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
