Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
