They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
