I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
