I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
