That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
