what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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