I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
