no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it fun? or sober?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
