Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
