he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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