your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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