dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
