I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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