I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
