This is not my ceiling
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
