Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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