i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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