so explain again why im purple
no
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
