anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
