I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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