Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
