Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
