I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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