I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
