Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
