I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
