I heard we made out
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my shit smells like andre
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
