i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How does it feel to date your dad?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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