Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
