the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
