she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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