Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
