U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
