I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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