just tell him i said nine months
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
