There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
home. puking in laundry basket.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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