Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
