ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Your tits are I can't wait for
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
