I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
