I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
