I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
