whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
