The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
