insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
