Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
