i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
