i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
