I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
