hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
