I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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