Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
