my phone needs a breathalizer
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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