Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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