quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
