take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
