I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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