I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
