Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So many bounce houses so little time
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
